“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

-Phil 4:13

Growing up, whenever I was asked what my favorite Bible verse was, I would saw Phil 4:13. To be honest, the reason I recited that verse was because it was an easy one that I had memorized. It wasn’t until I was a teenager or even older that I really read that verse and put my own name and circumstances into that verse and believed that I can do anything if I allow God to guide me and strengthen me through the process.

This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness week. This week never meant anything to me until about 9 years ago when I started realizing that I could change my eating and exercise behaviors and lose weight and I was then diagnosed with an eating disorder. One of the biggest problems became the fact that no matter how much weight I lost and how much people commented on it, it was never good enough and so continued on this destructive cycle for many years. It wasn’t until two years ago that I realized how unhealthy I was and I decided it was time to do something. (OK, so honestly it wasn’t my choice to get help at first, but I am so thankful I did!)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

-Jer 29:11

It is so encouraging to know that God has great plans! I have thought throughout life that I had everything planned out perfectly….but God had something else in mind. When I went into treatment, I learned so much about myself and learned very quickly that I could not do things on my own and needed to rely on God to give me the courage and confidence to go into each day and face the challenges that came my way. God’s plan was not for me to keep living my life under control of food and exercise and allowing fear to keep me from doing things that I love. His plan was for me to learn who I really am on the inside, become a therapist, and do missions!

HOPE: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. A feeling of trust. A wanting of something to happen.

A friend of mine sent me a necklace when I was in treatment that says HOPE. I love this word! I was living for so many years with unrealistic and not healthy expectations feeling that I had to change my appearance in order to be accepted and good enough. I learned and am still in the process of learning and remembering to trust God and live with a desire to follow God’s will for my life!

It is really just over the past couple weeks that I have really found this hope again and have not allowed an eating disorder to control my life. But instead I am focused on recovery and allow my hopes and dreams guide me in life. I am so thankful for this recovery and and hope and that I am able to serve God doing things like going to Zambia in a couple days for a month! I know there is no way that I could get to where I am today without trust in God and the amazing encouraging and supportive people He has put in my life! Living life with more positive thinking and feeling free is such a good feeling and gives me so much more energy to live each day!

Lots of reflecting going on this week and I pray for anyone struggling with an eating disorder that they will find hope and freedom!