January of each year is considered a month of new beginnings. This January has been filled with a lot of learning and self-discovery. I have continued to have the occasional battle with the eating disorder and have dealt with some pretty intense anxiety and depression. All of those are pieces of my life that I was hoping would not be a part of the new year, so I met them with a lot of resistance. I have been learning though to accept that I may have some eating disorder thoughts and other negative thinking and instead of resisting it, I can process it in a healthy way and it will pass.

I felt a lot of shame over feeling the anxiety and depression a couple weeks ago. I was reminded last week though that there is no shame in having those thoughts and feelings. I can take a step back and breathe, stay in the present, and ground myself in the truths. When I have eating disorder thoughts it is likely due to something going on in my life that I need to recognize and deal with.

A couple weeks ago I was having the difficult time, I took a step back with help from my therapist and realized that there was a lot going on that was bringing back old feelings of not being good enough and needing to do life better. I have also been overwhelmed with deciding if I am going to move out of my apartment and where I am going to move to. Once I discovered that there was a disconnect between my head and my heart I was able to take some time for myself and perform self care. I was also able to remind myself that I am good enough.

I am enjoying this learning and discovery that I am good enough and I am confident and at peace with my body. It feels good to be a warrior and feel stronger. Taking classes to start accomplishing a goal I have had for a long time encourages me to keep going through this recovery. This January has not been what I expected it to be in the least bit, but I am grateful for new beginnings and I know there is so much more learning and discovery to be had.

I am also excited to share something I wrote that was put in a blog on the circles for change website!

https://www.circlesofchange.org/blog/rewrite-story-eating-disorder-recovery