“I want to unfold. I don’t want to stay folded anywhere, because where I am folded, there I am a lie.”

–Rainer Maria Rilke

I was heard this quote on a podcast today. At first I wasn’t sure what it meant, but as the person kept talking about it, it all “unfolded” (yes, pun intended). To be folded means to bend something over itself so one part overlaps another. In our lives we at times fold over and cover up parts of ourselves to try and fit into other peoples ideas of who we should be. When we cover up the parts of ourselves that we feel do not meet others expectations, our true self is not able to show up. I don’t know necessarily that we would be considered a lie if we are folded, but we are not able to be our true self. Maybe it is just me who does this, but I am going to make the assumption that I am not the only one.

One area that I feel like I kept folded up was the confidence to be my true self. That part of me that has a voice and is able to be confident in my abilities. Growing up I was incredibly shy and quiet because I was so afraid of not meeting others expectations and lacked any confidence in myself. I have in the past felt like I was being compared to other people who I deemed were better than me at everything and I was just never good enough. Throughout college and then especially in the past few years while I was a traveling therapist and now living in Texas, I have stopped feeling like others have such high expectations and stopped putting so much pressure on myself. That has allowed me to uncover parts of myself such as my voice and my confidence. I am much more confident in my job and just being me around friends and people I don’t know. I am able to find the adventure in life and enjoy it because it is what I want to do and not necessarily what others want or think I should do.

Another area I have folded is my body both internal and external. I have covered it up with clothing (which I hope you all do too), and with exercising, diet pills, laxatives, and minimal amounts of nutrition until there was not much left of me. What was left of me was basically a shell that walked around able to function as an adult, but there was no real life inside of me. There was not much communication going on between my head and my heart. I did all of this to meet what I thought were other peoples and societies expectations along with other reasons. Society tells us that we need to look and act a certain way. It is our responsibility to make the choice to uncover ourselves from the folds we have made and let our true self out.

I want to unfold so that I can portray my true self to the world. I want to be confident and have joy and energy. I want to find the adventures in life. What makes you fold and want to unfold? What do you want to uncover?