There are two themes that I have been reminded of many times the past couple weeks. The first is to step out in faith and trust God in the process. The second is God’s plan, not mine. A few years ago, I was following what I thought was God’s plan for the next stage in my life was. I had this dream that I wanted to follow and I thought it was the right time to pursue it. I did a lot of planning and started putting things into action only to get stopped. I felt like I had failed. I truly thought that what I felt called to in life was never going to happen again. I started to lose faith and thought God had let me go.

This past year I have been challenged in my faith in a good way and I have learned so much about God and my relationship with Him. I have started to stop a lot more and pray and listen to what God is saying instead of relying on my own thoughts and feelings. Is it easy and do I remember to do this all the time? No. Am I resistant to doing it sometimes? Yes. The past couple weeks while I was in Kenya and then when I got home, there has been a lot that I have been processing. I tend to go to others to get advice and I want others to help me figure out what to do in situations. While I was out on a walk this week, it hit me that I never stopped and prayed or asked God what He wants for me in this season.

My problem with that, is I am not always sure what is God talking to me and what is me telling myself. I also allow things in my past to interfere and cause doubt and confusion. I recently finished reading Moving Mountains by John Eldredge with my community group. It is a great book on prayer that has a lot of good points which either taught me more on how to pray, or reminded me of what I had been neglecting. In relation to my past, Eldredge said “If you hold on to trauma, rage, or guilt for years, it is likely the enemy is going to use those unaddressed issues as an opportunity to oppress you. My story of fear when I was twelve, left unaddressed, gave the enemy an opportunity until I took that opportunity away through intentional prayer.” Last week in Kenya, I was thinking about next steps and anytime the thought of doing more missions came into my mind, I would have a small panic attack remembering what happened when I tried to do that a few years ago. Once the anxiety started, I would push it all out of my mind and tell myself that it will never happen because I am no the right person for the job.

So then what should I pray? Do I pray that God directs me to do missions or do I pray that He doesn’t change anything? I put so much pressure on myself to pray the right thing and figure things out. I become overwhelmed and anxious. I love what John Eldredge says about this in his book.

“First off, do whatever you can to reduce the pressure. Pressure is a killer; it nearly always gets in the way of hearing from God. As best you can, lay down the pressure as you seek guidance. Drama never helps; stress never helps. Give the search some breathing room. Take a deep breath yourself. Second, be open to whatever it may be that God has to say to you. If you are, in truth, only open to hearing one answer from God—yes, you should buy that house—then it’s not likely you will hear anything at all. More sadly, if you do hear a yes, you won’t be able to trust it. Surrender is the key. Yield your desires and plans and hunches to the living God so that you might receive from him something far better: his counsel. Consecrate the matter; consecrate the process of decision making too!” 

I am realizing more and more through all of this that I also just need to sit and ask God what to pray. It doesn’t do me any good to tell God what I want or think I want because then I am going back to my plan, not God’s. When we pray, we are one with God and God wants the best for us. We may not be able to see it all the time, but it’s true. Eldredge says “When we are in the darkness, we begin to feel like we have always been there. But it is not true. David reminds himself that God has been faithful in the past; God will be faithful again. He urges himself to put his hope in God because the morning will come.” So, I am going to do my best to ask God what He wants for me, trust Him, and step out in faith.

Is there anything you need to trust God with?

What is God asking you to step out in faith with?

Maybe ask God what you should be praying.