Reflections from Oak Hills Church small group 4/8/14

Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is too be revealed to us.”

The conversation with this verse really caught me tonight because of the “valley” as they named it that I feel like I am in since moving to San Antonio. Dwelling on my situation of not having my license->not being able to work->not getting paid->worrying about everything is basically where my mind is at all the time. Paul is saying in this verse though that this is nothing! Glory is going to be revealed that is so much greater than any valley/suffering I could ever go through. I need to stop each day and listen to what God is telling me instead of getting stuck in the suffering and missing my family and I need to trust Him.

On my way home from small group, the song “I Surrender All” came on the radio. That is exactly what I need to do. Surrender it all and look forward towards the good that is ahead.

Adventure #2 has landed me in San Antonio, TX. And oh what an adventure it has turned out to be so far. A day before I left I bought a new car (Nissan Sentra) which I love. Then I spent 3 days on the road. 3 days, 6 states, and over 1,600 miles! I was able to stay overnight in TN the first night with a lady who I knew from Keuka who was the President of the colleges assistant who also led a bible study on campus that myself and my friends attended. My second night I had planned on making it to Dallas to stay with another friend however due to some crazy thunder, lightning, and hail storms in Arkansas I only made it across the TX border and stayed in a hotel in Mt Pleasant, TX. It was so nice to finally get to San Antonio and check into my room at the Extended Stay America hotel.

That evening I decided to go to the Riverwalk. So I drove there and finally found a place to park where I didn’t have to pay anything and then walked the couple blocks to the walkway remembering the different streets and landmarks so I would remember my way back to my car. My only problem when I left was that the Riverwalk can get you very turned around and it took me forever to find where my car was! It’s a really nice walk though!

On 3/31 I wrote this in my journal:

“Today I should be starting my new job. But God does things in His own time I guess. So I am sitting in my hotel room in San Antonio, TX where I arrived Saturday afternoon. I drove for 3 days, through 6 states and 1,684.8 miles to get here in my brand new 2013 Nissan Sentra! In Arkansas I hit really bad thunder/lightning/hail storms so bad I had to stop a lot. As I got back on the road and passed over into Texas I saw a sunset which just gave me a peace and was a sign that this is where I am supposed to be. I am not exactly feeling either of those things today as I am frustrated with myself for not following the licensing process correctly so now who knows when I will get it and be able to start working. AND….I just killed a HUGE cockroach in my hotel room!!!!!! Seeing the familiar faces of Marc and Liz yesterday made me feel really good and I am excited to go to their small group on Tuesday and meet some people! I decided during lunch today that instead of sitting there continuing to make myself stressed and frustrated with my current situation, I would get my Bible out and do my devotions. Today’s devotion was on enduring and remaining steadfast during troubled times. When this traveling gets hard, I just want to give up feel like it would just be easier to do something permanent. But I know that this is what I want to be doing and what God called me to be doing. So I need to remain steadfast in the Lord and keep holding on and trusting in Him and remember that this is all part of the adventure!

More updates on my adventure as it comes…..

March 18-24 Grand Goave, Haiti

If someone had asked me after September 2010 if I would ever go back to Haiti after spending a week there I never thought I would say of course I will go. But, God had plans that were different from mine but they were some great plans and I am so happy I was obedient and followed them to Haiti with the team to Mission of Hope International. In the week we were there, we held clinics taking care of people who came, prayed with people and for people, held and played with some adorable kids, provided food for a village, swam in the ocean, and made so many more memories.

I loved holding the babies, making the splint for my little guy, watching the smiles appear on faces when we were able to provide people with medicines. I was able to help Chel take care of a baby with 2nd degree burns on her arms and legs.

When we got back, Chel asked us if there was anything we could have done differently what would we have done. I answered that with saying that I would have liked to have taken more time to learn Haitian Creole and more medical information in order to be able to converse more on my own with the people I came in contact with and be more confident in what I was diagnosing them with. She also asked what are we thinking now. My answer was I wish that I could still be there because I would feel more like I am making a difference and doing something other than sitting in a hotel room waiting like I am doing right now. It was a great trip and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to go.

One thing I love about living in NY is that there are 4 seasons. Spring, Summer, Fall and well a crazy amount of months of Winter. Fall is my favorite season with the perfect temperature that is sweat pant and hoodie weather and the colors are just beautiful. Then there is Winter which I can handle a couple days of and then I am totally done with it. Yes, the snow is pretty, but I hate being cold and driving in the Winter weather is just something I am not a fan of.

Just like the weather has seasons, we go through seasons in our lives too. God is in control of these seasons of our life that we go through. It is up to us to be obedient and choose to live the life that God is calling us to. And we should be obedient to these changes because God had them planned out before we were even born! The thing though is that these seasons may not always be easy. But what you say about it will determine how you experience and live it.

It requires Faith to make it through some seasons. Faith comes from hearing and hearing from the Word of God. Pastor Joe from CFF said that so many times I don’t think I will ever forget that (which was why he said it so many times! Pastor made an analogy when he talked about faith that I thought was cool. He said that receiving from God’s reservoir only requires faith. You have to “plug into” the outlet (God’s reservoir). Faith is the “plug” we use to tap into all God has given us. “Faith is like electricity; you don’t have to analyze or understand it to enjoy its benefits. All you have to do is plug in!”

I have been through many seasons in my life. Some have been so good and others I have struggled and have required a lot of faith to get me through.  I heard someone say this once “You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” I attended a women’s event at CFF in February and really was hit with the fact that I am not at peace with some things because I keep trying to just escape them instead of facing them head on and becoming victorious over them. Pastor Kat called me out from the stage where she was praying and didn’t even know it. But God knew that there was someone like me who needed the reminder that there are chains of three specific things that are holding us down. These three things are: Depression, Low Self-esteem and Eating disorders. Wow….that could not have been any more clearer to me.

That night I said that I will not allow those chains to have a hold on my life anymore. Ha….easier said than done. But, I have faith that God will help me through. It is day by day and some days moment by moment. I have in the past year learned to be a lot more confident in myself and in my abilities and not worry about what others may think. I am trying to have joy and remember the good things during the day instead of focus on the negative which is so much easier to do however will ultimately keep me in depression. I am also not allowing my eating disorder to be my identity and control my life as much. It is still a day to day struggle that for now I have to be conscious of however it is not what takes over my thinking or control my next move. I have hope and will trust in God more.

Seasons come and seasons go…and in all of them I choose to have faith and pray that I will be obedient to what God is calling me to do.

When I decided to change jobs in August 2013, I never would have imagined the experiences I would have as a traveling OT. I took a leap of faith, trusting that God knew what He was doing and would put me in the places He wants me at the right time. The analogy of an impala that Jon Stephens used in a message at church one day sticks in my head. Impalas can jump up to 10 feet high and 30 feet far. So why when we see them in a zoo do they not have a huge fencing around them? Because all that it takes to stop an impala is a 3 foot wall. If they can not see where their feet are going to land, an impala will not jump. Sometimes God calls us to go to a place and we may not know where our feet are going to land. We need to have faith and trust that God knows what He is doing. For so long I was at that wall unable to make the jump too scared of what might be on the other side however I felt God calling me to something new and different and traveling it is!

My first travel placement was to Wingate at Ulster in Highland, NY. This is what I wrote in my journal within my first two weeks there.
9/15/13
“The lift as a traveling OT…When I first decided to do this, I thought it would be great and I would love it. Maybe I will and sometimes right now I do, but I miss having my own apartment and my friends and my church and I miss the comfort of my previous job. Downsizing my life did not necessarily go as well as it could have but it’s hard to know what you may need! I am staying with L and J which is nice because I have a place to live but I do get tired of having a “mother” around telling me what I should and shouldn’t do even though I know that is just her hospitable personality.
God I have a question….why did you have to make fleas????? I can deal with the 6 cats, but seriously God, I can’t take these fleas any longer!!!
The new job has been quite the experience. With no real orientation or anything I felt like I was just thrown in and am trying to stay afloat. I think I am getting the hang of it and doing pretty well. I had one patient who said I have a lot of spunk and am a good OT and will be good for the facility. My supervisor actually complimented me the other day on how I never complained when she gave me a huge caseload. One patient told me not to touch the pimples on my chin because they will get infected and I will get a disease. The face of ‘A’ when she learned how to use a sock aide and zipped up her sweater was priceless. She always asks ‘Did I do good?’ Those are the things I try to remember over the negative experiences. I try to make therapy fun and individualized for each person which doesn’t always work well but I just do my best which is what I tell my patients to do.”

In November I had a patient tell me something that was really encouraging and reminded why I am doing what I am doing. She said that she remembered the first time I worked with her and she was my very first patient I treated at Wingate. During that first treatment she told me that I would do well as a therapist there. As I was treating her the last time, she reminded me of how timid I was and she said that I was doing a good job and had opened up a lot. Patients like that keep me going.

Fleas, stinkbugs, snow storms, crazy patients, home evals, co workers some easier to work with more than others, rail trail and walk way over the Hudson….all things that were part of adventure #1.