Last week I turned 31. When I was talking to my grandma on the phone, she asked me “so do you have a boyfriend?” First I was shocked that she even asked me that and then as I responded with a no it got me thinking. I have been asked more times than I can count when I am going to get married, when I am going to have kids, when I am going to settle in one place for an extended time and buy a house. When I was younger I had this idea in my head that I would get married, possibly have kids, have a big house with a big backyard, and have a good job that I enjoy. The catch is that I thought I would have all of that in my 20’s. Well, I am now 31 and I have a good job that I enjoy, a dog, and an apartment in a large complex. That ideal I had about what my timeline should be is just that- an ideal. It’s not reality. And that’s ok!

I also have this ideal that I have that I get hung up on. I have this ideal that I shouldn’t use ED behaviors anymore and that I should never be anxious or depressed or have negative thoughts. The ideal is that I am happy and healthy and content and continuing to move forward in my life. Which I am moving forward and doing a lot better than I have in the past, but I find myself getting frustrated and angry with myself when I do have a rough day and slip up or just have negative thoughts. I know that is one ideal that I need to change because I am not perfect and I am going to make mistakes. And I am still in the early stages of recovery so I may slip up and continue to have some struggles.

The reality is that I am 31 and my life is full of adventures that I never would have expected. I am thankful for those adventures as difficult as they may have and continue to be. They have made me a more confident person and I have discovered more of what I value and the truths about myself. I definitely still want to have a house with a big backyard for my dog, but for right now, I am going to be content with where I am at.

Side note: I had an ideal that my dog would be happy with the toys I bought for her. I am realizing that she is more content and happy to play with empty yogurt containers and empty cereal boxes all of which are spread across my apartment everywhere. If only she could clean up after herself. Here is a picture of her after playing with the carpet and putting it into a ball. Apparently it is a comfortable pillow and you can see only a tiny piece of her mess behind her.